.jnf.

fat hate, fat, disgusting, lard, ugly, women, stupid, Jill Filipovic, Feministe, fatty, feminist, feminism, feminists, fat apologist, shameless, femtard, obese, obesity, fat shaming, overweight, echidna, overeating, AutoAdmit, weight, big, repulsive, bitch, idiot, cunt, ignorant, idiotic, fool, foolish, short, short and fat, food, eating, huge, beefy, broad, chunky, chubby, heavy, husky, jelly-belly, meaty, plump, potbellied, pudgy, whale, moronic, naive, thick, curvy, thick-headed, brainless, vegan, vegetarian, pescetarian, dense, dim, mindless, Jill, Filipovic, retard, retarded, Indian, Indian food, hate, thigh, thighs, fat thighs, potbelly, features, bmi, nose, shame, body, diet, self-worth, indulgence, gut, butt ugly, bourbon, bigfoot, sexism, discrimination, fat tolerance, fat discrimination, thick thighs

From an amazing website I won’t link to, but jeez, you could have just sent me flowers. (Or food. I LOVE food. Maybe send me food shaped like flowers? Or flowers shaped like food?).

SB: I just got a voicemail from my doctor saying they have some of my test results back (I had blood drawn because they think I might also have a thyroid disorder, because my life is great) and so I called and she’s like, “Well, good news: You don’t have HIV.” Um, great, I was pretty solid on that one, but I appreciate it! So no HIV, that’s the best news I’ve gotten all week.

VR: I like your style.  Nice job on the HIV front.  What did they say about thyroid?

SB: No results on that yet — apparently the hormone tests take longer. But they can tell you if you have HIV within 48 hours, which is probably a good use of resources.

VR: FACT.  My mom had hyper thyroid, so she had to take radioactive iodine for several days, which killed her thyroid entirely. So, crossing fingers you don’t have to go through that, but it will be cool if you are radioactive for a few days.

SB: OMG. Well, it’s either a thyroid disorder or uterine polyps OR a medical mystery, so lots of good options here.

VR: OOOH I hope medical mystery and then you can be on that show.

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(No, neither of these people are me, and no these are not even their real initials, but yes I did witness this entire discussion and it was amazing).

…I love flowers I’d love to have the whole place swimming in roses God of heaven there’s nothing like nature the wild mountains then the sea and the waves rushing then the beautiful country with fields of oats and wheat and all kinds of things and all the fine cattle going about that would do your heart good to see rivers and lakes and flowers all sorts of shapes and smells and colours springing up even out of the ditches primroses and violets nature it is as for them saying there’s no God I wouldn’t give a snap of my two fingers for all their learning why don’t they go and create something I often asked him atheists or whatever they call themselves go and wash the cobbles off themselves first then they go howling for the priest and they dying and why why because they’re afraid of hell on account of their bad conscience ah yes I know them well who was the first person in the universe before there was anybody that made it all who ah that they don’t know neither do I so there you are they might as well try to stop the sun from rising tomorrow the sun shines for you he said the day we were lying among the rhododendrons on Howth head in the grey tweed suit and his straw hat the day I got him to propose to me yes first I gave him the bit of seedcake out of my mouth and it was leapyear like now yes 16 years ago my God after that long kiss I near lost my breath yes he said was a flower of the mountain yes so we are flowers all a woman’s body yes that was one true thing he said in his life and the sun shines for you today yes that was why I liked him because I saw he understood or felt what a woman is and I knew I could always get round him and I gave him all the pleasure I could leading him on till he asked me to say yes and I wouldn’t answer first only looked out over the sea and the sky I was thinking of so many things he didn’t know of Mulvey and Mr Stanhope and Hester and father and old captain Groves and the sailors playing all birds fly and I say stoop and washing up dishes they called it on the pier and the sentry in front of the governors house with the thing round his white helmet poor devil half roasted and the Spanish girls laughing in their shawls and their tall combs and the auctions in the morning the Greeks and the Jews and the Arabs and the devil knows who else from all the ends of Europe and Duke street and the fowl market all clucking outside Larby Sharans and the poor donkeys slipping half asleep and the vague fellows in the cloaks asleep in the shade on the steps and the big wheels of the carts of the bulls and the old castle thousands of years old yes and those handsome Moors all in white and turbans like kings asking you to sit down in their little bit of a shop and Ronda with the old windows of the posadas glancing eyes a lattice hid for her lover to kiss the iron and the wineshops half open at night and the castanets and the night we missed the boat at Algeciras the watchman going about serene with his lamp and O that awful deepdown torrent O and the sea the sea crimson sometimes like fire and the glorious sunsets and the figtrees in the Alameda gardens yes and all the queer little streets and pink and blue and yellow houses and the rosegardens and the jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and Gibraltar as a girl where I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down Jo me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.

(via).